Very very rough sound bite of what I’ve learned so far! “moonlight sonata” - Beethoven played by moi :)
I woke up this morning in a panic after a repeating dream. I’ve had variations of this dream probably 11 times over the past 2 months and it’s not fun AT ALL. I can’t specifically say what it is that I’m dreaming of (nightmaring of) but I know it’s my brains way of trying to work through some shiznits that have happened.
Each time I have this dream there’s always a change, and I gain more confidence, and more of a voice which is very interesting to think about after each morning of waking up after having said dreams. Almost like my brain is trying to give me something I didn’t have. Like it’s trying it’s hardest to fix my subconscious and make everything ok. The problem with last night’s dream is that it’s still in my head 5 hours after waking up.
I can’t seem to shake it today. I almost wish I could go to sleep right now so I could hopefully dream about something else so I can forget this crazy ass dream.
OY. So anxious. Also the nightmare last night happened in perfect chronological order, which I think has something to do with it being so imprinted in my brain right now. I think because it happened in a manner that could have taken place…my brain wants to process it like a real memory unlike dreams where things happen at random (i.e. I’ll be in one room doing homework then jump to me riding a bike somewhere)
Maybe typing all of this out will help me forget it and as the day progresses I can fill my brain with other thoughts. Anxious to see where the nightmare story will go next time I have it!
Let me start off by saying I’m a firm believer in believing that life doesn’t “just happen” to people, but it’s their choices that make their lives. That being said, I’m also a firm believer in bad/good/dumb luck and also possibly everything happens for reason.
Tonight and frankly for the past 2 weeks my brain feels like someone is just mashing it to pieces as my mind tries to formulate some kind of logical answer as to what decisions I made or what kind of luck I have or what reason there is for what is going on in my life right now. (One thing I can say for sure- My OCD and Anxiety are having a field day!)
All I know is that I have to try to keep telling myself that this time, this circumstance I literally had no way of controlling. That it was someone else’s weak, pathetic act that just happened to me. That this time life DID IN FACT just happen to me. And now I have to pick up the pieces of my self and live with it.
And who knows maybe one day when something else happens in my life that I can’t control I’ll be better able to handle it because I’ll have made it through this… *crosses everything* Here’s hoping!
Are you w/ ATT or Verizon?? Do you love it?
Thinking about giving up my BBerry for an iPhone. FINALLY!!!!